Get yourself one good sexuality or sexual health book as a primer from your local bookstore. While there are some things we don't need books or media for -- and some it's best we learn on our own anyway, like discovering what a partner finds pleasure in -- there are others we do. But, you know, in relationships that are right for everyone, we can safely voice our feelings and work with them, and we need to be able to do that to be in good relationships.
So, take a good look at them, even if they're not so realistic. We can all learn to talk about sex, even in a culture where that is a major handicap. If they had, none of us would be here today, because our eldest ancestors certainly didn't have The Joy of Sex hidden under a straw pallet in the back of the cave. All too often, people only start educating themselves during or after a crisis such as a pregnancy scare, an acquired STI , or being physically or emotionally hurt during sex , and while late is always better than never, in advance is always better than after the fact. Most of us adults have been in relationships where we've voiced deeper feelings than our partner felt, or asked for more than they could give, and that's resulted in a split we didn't want. So many of the messages sent out to young people are about the dangers of sex or dating, are about saying no to sex based on very general and arbitrary ethics that may not be your own, and make sex out to be the Big Bad, when really, it doesn't have to be. Are you open to answering any questions she may have? Be a smartypants Let's be honest: Treat your time alone as special time, the same way you'd rev yourself up for a date with someone else. That's the sound, mature way to deal with drama in relationships, and in a sound one, that time apart will only have positive effects on it, even if the outcome isn't what you'd like initially. Further your sexual education. Get yourself one good sexuality or sexual health book as a primer from your local bookstore. None of these are true. And well before you get sexually involved with a partner, start establishing meaningful dialogue about sex: As well, we simply know things now we didn't back when that really can benefit us, like understanding how our reproductive cycles really work, how disease or infection may be spread, like that our sexual or gender identity doesn't have to be what is prescribed for us. And while we're at it, don't talk yourself into a situation that isn't really right for you, especially when it comes to casual sex. Enjoy yourself and your sexuality. Give it healthy food, the rest and activity it needs, the healthcare -- sexual and general -- it requires, both preventatively and when you become ill. If any sex you have with someone isn't about your bodies just as they are, it's not likely to feel very good or leave you feeling very good about yourself. While at the time, none of that is ever fun, in hindsight, we'll all know that was best for everyone. Most of the time, we're told it should be someone we love and who loves us back, someone committed to us long-term, perhaps even someone we plan to spend the rest of our lives with. Chances are, it'll cost you less than a CD or two, and it'll be a lot more valuable. Even when you have a partner in your life, you'll discover that there are things you'll do, and responses you'll have, only when you're your own lover. We're an adaptable species like that. Fantasy, hands and fingers, pillows, feathers, clean and appropriately shaped objects and water are commonly used by women to pleasure themselves.
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